“Doctor, how do you always speak with such confidence?”
This is a question I’ve often been asked—not just by young medical students, but also by patients, families, and even my children.
You might think confidence is something you’re born with. But the truth is—I wasn’t. As a young student, I used to avoid eye contact during presentations. My hands would sweat during the viva exams. I would second-guess myself before speaking in public or raising a hand in a class full of bright minds.
Over the years, in operating theatres, ICUs, lecture halls, and more importantly, life itself, I learned that self-confidence is not a talent—it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.
Let me share a few real-world, relatable lessons that helped me—and can help you too.
1. Confidence Begins With Self-Trust
When I performed my first solo brain surgery, my hands didn’t tremble because I was fearless. They didn’t tremble because I had prepared relentlessly. I trusted my training. I trusted my mind and my hands. That’s the first key to confidence: knowing you’ve done the work.
So, whether you’re giving a presentation, attending an interview, or learning something new, prepare. When you prepare, confidence becomes a by-product.
Confidence isn’t “I’m the best,” it’s “I’ll give my best.”
2. Talk Kindly to Yourself
We are often our own worst critics. “I can’t do this,” “What if I fail?”, “People will laugh at me.” Sound familiar?
Let me tell you this as someone who has seen people recover from comas, strokes, and severe trauma: Your mind listens to your words. Be careful what you say to yourself.
Replace:
- “I’ll mess this up” → “I’ll try, and I’ll learn.”
- “I’m not smart enough.” → “I can improve with effort.”
This small change in self-talk can rewire your brain over time. Literally. I’ve seen it in rehab patients, and I’ve seen it in myself.
3. Do Small Hard Things Every Day
Confidence grows from experience. You don’t have to climb Mount Everest. Just take one small step every day that scares you a little:
- Speak up in a group meeting.
- Say “no” when you really mean it.
- Go for that morning run even if you feel lazy.
These little wins add up. Soon, you’ll look back and realize you’re standing taller than ever before.
4. Don’t Confuse Loudness With Confidence
As a neurosurgeon, I’ve met many people—extroverts, introverts, silent warriors, and expressive leaders. Let me tell you, confidence isn’t about being loud or dominant. It’s about being calm and assured in your skin.
If you’re soft-spoken, thoughtful, or quiet, don’t think you lack confidence. Just express it your way. The world needs both voices and silences.
Accept That You’ll Fail—And That’s Okay
I’ve lost patients despite my best efforts. I’ve made decisions that I later learned from. Failure is part of life, part of learning, part of becoming better. Don’t let one bad experience define your identity.
Think of confidence like a muscle—every failure is like a weight that makes it stronger.
Final Thought: Confidence Is a Journey, Not a Destination
Even today, before some surgeries or big talks, I still feel butterflies. That’s normal. Confidence doesn’t mean the absence of fear—it means you go ahead anyway.
You don’t need to be perfect to be confident. You just need to show up, try, learn, and grow.
So go ahead. Speak. Act. Believe.
Because you are far more capable than you think.
And your story—just like mine—is still being written.
Warm regards,
Dr. Arun Tungaria
Senior Neurosurgeon
www.skrishnahospital.com/neuromedtalks/
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